“It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus
I was deeply focused on building a complex new app feature – the kind that demands absolute concentration. My fingers flew across the keyboard as I mapped out business logic, data flows, and user experience.
Then, suddenly, I heard a little cry.
At first, I ignored it, thinking it would settle. But it grew closer, sharper, and far more urgent. I stopped typing and listened.
Yes, you guessed it.
My sweet little daughter was crying.
I stood up, left my office room, and there she was – tiny hands raised towards me, tears rolling down her cheeks, needing comfort only a parent can give.
🍼 Juggling Coding and Changing Diapers
You might think this was a one-off interruption. But no, it was the third time that day.
Balancing my full-time engineering job with being a stay-at-home dad was taking its toll. Coding and changing diapers were two tasks I never thought I’d do simultaneously. At first glance, it seems trivial – change the diaper, return to work, done.
But it is not that simple.
Here’s why.
⏳ The Cost of Interruptions
Did you know it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to fully regain focus after a distraction? (Gloria Mark, researcher on workplace behavior.)
Of course, this depends on task complexity and type of distraction. But as a thumb rule, each interruption has a heavy cognitive cost.
That day, I was building complex business logic – like assembling a giant puzzle with interconnected pieces. Deep focus was essential. Yet, every cry, every diaper change, shattered that focus, making it feel almost impossible to get things done.
But I had no choice. This was life.
❤️ A Newfound Respect
Through these exhausting days, I gained immense respect for all stay-at-home moms and dads who work remotely while caring for young kids. It is incredibly hard.
At that time, my son was six years old, and my daughter was only six months. My wife worked full-time outside the home, and we had no family or close friends nearby to help with childcare.
The isolation was real.
👨💻 Why Transparency Matters
I decided to be transparent about my situation with my boss. Thankfully, he understood and supported me. That gave me strength to keep going, even on the days I nearly succumbed to exhaustion.
And in those moments of overwhelm, I tried to focus on the hidden benefits.
🌱 Hidden Gifts of Diaper Changes
Changing diapers isn’t just a mundane chore.
It is a chance to bond. Touch, eye contact, and playful communication during diaper changes strengthen emotional connections.
More importantly, babies’ brains grow faster during their first year than at any other time. Approximately 1,000 new synaptic connections form every second, shaped by repeated emotional experiences. (Harvard Center on the Developing Child)
Every smile, coo, and gentle touch during a diaper change builds neural pathways that shape who they become.
So no, diaper changing isn’t trivial. It is an investment in your child’s brain and soul.
💪 How I Stayed Productive
You might be thinking:
“Really, Bob? How can you be productive with constant interruptions?”
Here is proof from a week when I was incredibly productive despite everything:
- 📈 Work – I was twice as productive, completing critical feature releases.
- ⚽ Sports – I played in a soccer tournament like Messi (believe it or not, it’s true).
- 👶 Parenting – I cared for my daughter, fed her, and played with her daily.
- 💻 Side Project – I resumed work on my Undebtme project after weeks of technical setbacks.
- 💭 Mindset – I stopped being hard on myself for things outside my control.
- 🏋️ Fitness – I worked out more than the previous three weeks combined.
I shared my wins with my team in Slack at the end of that week, feeling genuinely proud.
🔑 Key Takeaways for Remote-Working Parents
✅ Accept interruptions as part of the privilege – these moments matter more than any feature shipped.
✅ Communicate transparently with your team about your life situation.
✅ Practice deep work in focused sprints when your child naps or plays quietly.
✅ Celebrate small wins daily to build momentum and confidence.
🎯 Final Thoughts
Parenthood, paired with a demanding full-time job, is the ultimate test of patience, resilience, and adaptability. My journey balancing coding and childcare has been filled with challenges – and blessings.
The chaos isn’t a hindrance. It’s a privilege.
The quiet moments of changing diapers, the tears, the giggles, the raised little hands asking to be picked up – these are what truly matter.
To every stay-at-home parent walking this delicate line: you are extraordinary. Every day you show up for both your work and your family is a triumph. Congratulations. Keep going.
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